It's sad. I've taken a good look at my heart lately and it's bad. I don't give a crap. Just seriously apathetic about alot of different things. Now don't get me wrong, there's plenty of stuff that gets me riled up, but it's all about me. Like when some random driver in front of me doesn't know how to drive in one lane instead of two or some other driving pet peeve of mine.
Complaining... bickering over stupid stuff. I know, who would've thought. But I feel it bubbling up. If it's in my thoughts, I'm fairly certain it will start to affect my actions. Stop complaining about this and that and then doing nothing. Pointless. Seriously. I'm not saying people should not vent and share burdens, but I'm saying that we need to understand that we should do something. Whether it means you need to face the issue head on or pray about it with a close friend.
How did I get here? I don't pretend to understand the whole thing, but mostly it seems to boil down to two things: Ungrateful and forgetful. I haven't counted my blessings lately. And mostly, I've forgotten God and what's He's done for me. I'm too quick to look at what I don't have instead of what I do have. I'm too quick to judge others and forget the grace that God has for me. 7 * 7 * 7 is quite a lot.
Pray for me to learn how to love better. Now that would be a Modus Operandi to post about...
Comments (4)
Bro, I am with you in prayer. I think at the end of the day we are still imperfect humans where the grace of God is still abound. I can appreciate what you are going thru because I went thru it as well and dare I say, still am going through it but hang in there bro. The fact you are checking your heart tells me you are still pumping it out with God.
Something from C.S Lewis, for all of us who continue to fall short and stumble but never lost hope.
"A live body is not one that never gets hurt, but one that can to some extent repair itself. In the same way a Christians is not a man who never goes wrong, but a man who is enabled to repent and pick himself up and begin over again after each stumble - because the Christ-life is inside him, repairing him all the time, enabling him to repeat the kind of voluntary death which Christ Himself carried out."
I think it gets even harder to be thankful for the things we have (or that god's given us) when we don't want them. When we're doing them because it's the only way to get to the end of the road we're on.... and that's kind of where I'm at. God's there. Can't say I feel like I've forgotten Him... perhaps not utilized him as much as I should... but he remains.
I was in a car accident back in January and it really kicked me hard. I've been in nursing school, working, and had been fairly newly wed... with my husband working 24/hr a week and in nursing school full time as well. It's been hard. I'm taking summer classes now, working full time, and still squeezing in appointments for the car accident. At one point, during my semester break, I had scheduled 7 appointments related to the car accident. I'm burnt out living the scheduled life and it's harder when it doesn't seem to end... that's the busyness. Heck... I ended up sick a lot and between everything else, it even hurt my grades and I'm a good student :p
oh well.
how's life on your end? I need to get some time and read some of the back posts on the blog. It's been so long!
One thing my car accident has taught me is that one of the easiest ways to prevent the anger and aggravation that comes with bad driving is 1. Recognize that there are times when you don't drive your best either. 2. Pray for their safety and God's protection for them -and- for your self. 3. Thank God for being your safety as you drive.
I had horrible horrible anxiety attacks while I drove for months after my car accident. I still hold my breath when I drive through intersections. I've witnessed two awful accidents since (one of which -obviously- killed people.). Which only added to the trauma. It took getting in the car, doing number 3 and then when I freaked out/got anger because someone could have caused an accident, I prayed for them. It helped. I don't freak out like I did...
That might not be worth anything to you, but it helped me.